my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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