the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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