Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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