Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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