I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
