No stitches, just platelets and will power
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
