WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
