and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
