i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
