Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
