Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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