Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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