Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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