I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
