I can text with my tongue
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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