Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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