my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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