you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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