Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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