if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
