we're chasing vodka with high fives
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
