I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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