I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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