i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
