I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize