Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.