i love accidental penises.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen