i jhust puked up my retainher.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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