Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.