Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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