Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize