what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.