i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species