I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's paper in my vomit.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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