I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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