I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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