It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
