i just had sex bonerless
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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