I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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