I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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