what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
