I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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