I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
