Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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