i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
