Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
