oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
