so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
