Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Randomize
