i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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