Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
