Yo dont text me then not text me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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