ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
