I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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