you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
