My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
