lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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