My hand turned me down
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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