Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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