I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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