May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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