He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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