Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
