i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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