I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
