There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
