the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
