If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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