I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
