i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
