Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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