my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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