Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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