Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think your dad took our porno
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
