Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
