capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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