HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
