I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
