I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
