apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
