I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize