he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
