too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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