can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize