dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
