I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
