im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
