At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
