He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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