Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
