Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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