Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
